The Honest Realities of Breeding

I thought that losing Moto yesterday was the worst that could happen. I cried so hard when Yishai left, how he told me that the drive down alone was so hard for him and how he wished I could be with him. It was awful. As soon as he drove away, I cried. It didn't help on dog forums that people were saying they wished that I had kept him, and my friends. But it's a good thing he's got a new home.

And then I checked my voicemail.

I have debated writing this in the blog, but this has been serving as an educational experience for some of you, so I think it needs to be out there - the realities of breeding, like culling, and discovering you've produced something unhealthy (especially, say, epilepsy).

It appears that one of my puppies is not working out in her home so she will be coming back after the first two days of Passover. I am hoping it's nothing that can't be worked on, but she is not handling exposure to stressful situations well. So, that beyond sucked - that was one thing I have been terrified of happening, and I thought I had done a nice job in choosing homes that were prepared to deal with the challenges that come along with these lines (should they arise). It's the last thing I want to do - upset her new owner, upset her, and upset us. Hopefully she will be stoked to see BreederDad at the airport and we can see what is going on.

I talked to a couple people last night about it, witnesses of the behavior, rescue folk, and my line's breeder, because my personality makes me want to think I'm a horrible person and prepare for the worst. Who wants to find out their puppy is not working out? What did you, as a breeder, do wrong? What mistakes did you make in screening homes? In placing that puppy?  In not reading her? But the reality is this, sometimes things just don't work out and that home wasn't meant to be. That sounds so positive, but in reality, I still feel like I've been hit repeatedly with a large stick this morning. Everyone around me has been wonderful about it, and I know that I have a solid support system for dealing with it. I even have a lead on a new home for her if it turns out to simply be a training/home incompatibility.

And then Yishai called me from the airport - they will not be shipping Moto out due to weather restrictions.

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!! It's hard to deal with all of this at once. So, I spent about seven hours last night trying to work out problems as they were arising, but it was a lot to handle. So, after Passover, Yishai will be picking up Curry at the airport after having just mailed off Moto.

Did I say I have a good man? I cannot tell you how much I appreciate that guy. He has been my best friend for years and would have done those things for me anyway, but he has also be integral to me raising this litter. I cannot imagine having done it without him.

We're obviously not done, too. I breathed a sigh of relief when I thought about Moto going to his home and being like, "We're done." But I knew, oh, I knew that that was far from the truth. If you're a serious breeder who cares about what you produce, you're gonna deal with a lot for the rest of those puppy's lives. I just hope to the heavens that nobody develops epilepsy or hip dysplasia. In this breed, it happens. I certainly didn't see Curry's return happening.

But, as my roommate Laura reminds me, everything works out for the best in the end, and while I may feel awful right now about everything, most likely what needs to happen will turn out right. Curry was, after all, my heart puppy from this litter.